A few of my friends got getting married lately and almost all of them posted a photo from their wedding with the caption saying “I married my best friend”.
Every time I would read that, my heart sank a little.
For me, marrying a best friend means marrying that guy who, at the age of 20, I made an agreement with that we’d get married at 50 if we’re both still single. Marrying a best friend means settling down. It means marrying out of fear of not growing old alone. It means stripping your life of excitement and choosing the ordinary.
My partner is not my best friend and I don’t want him to be. Why?
First of all, I don’t have a best friend. I have a close group of people I call friends. Interchangeably, I may use the term best to refer to any one of them. In essence, they are all quite different people and our relationship is unique. Our friendship is a result of circumstances, connection, shared interest, understanding, compromises, trust… each to a varying degree. My close friends know me and understand me really well.
Now, as for my partner… My partner knows the WHOLE me. All the different aspects and angles. Our relationship is a result of deep connection we felt when we met, and the one we continued to nurture over the years. My partner understands me at a level no friend would ever do.
It means he understands different shades of laughter and different tones of crying. It means we can communicate through a made-up language, understandable only to us. It means understanding my body and soul like only one person can.
So yes, I hope I never marry (one of) my best friend(s). I hope to marry my love, the person who swept me off of my feet when I met him and continues to do so every day.